


The Trick is to Keep Breathing

by sk8rpssockpup (MissIzzy)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Epic, F/F, F/M, Foe Yay, Long Time Period, Mass Death, Rape Recovery, World War III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-22
Updated: 2008-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-26 13:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIzzy/pseuds/sk8rpssockpup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years together in an ice rink, and it'll be twelve years more before things are resolved between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trick is to Keep Breathing

"Ben talked me into not objecting," Tanith explained to Morgan. "He had a point in that Linichuk might not be able to refuse; noone would put it pass Piseev to bully a coach into taking his favorites on. But really, Ben's way too nice, always assuming the best of people. He's even sort-of friends with Shabalin already. But that Oksana Domnina....at least Evan got it-he even forgot that whole interview debacle as soon as he heard, forgave me unilaterally and urged us to get out of here-but of course, that means he doesn't understand what's going on either, that we really can't leave right now."  
  
"I don't know why you're worried," Morgan replied. "There's only so much the judges can do when by Vancouver, you two are going to be so much better than them that it won't even be funny."  
  
"We could try that, I suppose," said Tanith doubtfully.  
  
Morgan laughed. "You won't even have to try it, it'll happen anyway! In fact, I really don't know why those two were so foolish as to come here when they've got one very big problem that Linichuk has a habit of not fixing: him."  
  
Tanith laughed, and Morgan said, "I'm serious. I think it's a problem with most Russian ice dance coaches; they're all much harder on us than on the guys. I don't know why Igor Shilband seems to be such an exception, but he really is. Look at all the Olympic champions of the past, and you squared off against Navka and Kostamarov. It's no surprise Domnina's so much better than Shabalin; she's been driven all her life, and told to be grateful to have a guy who has some vague idea of how to ice dance! And Linichuk won't be any different from Gorshkov. Leif's found it annoying actually; he has to motivate himself completely. And if Shabalin hasn't motivated himself yet, I don't see him starting now. So Oksana Domnina will always have her partner dragging her down, while, well, you've got one of the best guys out there, don't you? You have absolutely nothing to worry about except yourself."  
  
If one believed Oksana Domnina, Tanith herself was something to worry about. She went out of her way to remind Tanith of that, doing fancy twizzles and edgework in front of her; Linichuk had already done very well by her. Tanith spent a couple of weeks gritting her teeth, before she asked Domnina where her partner was.  
  
"I need no partner," she said.  
  
"To qualify for competition you do," Tanith retorted. "Ready to do any more extra lifts?"  
  
Domnina bristled at that remark. "Do you feel you must say this?" she demanded. "To make you feel better?"  
  
"Pot. Kettle. Black!" Tanith exclaimed, not even caring if Domnina got the expression or not.  
  
***  
  
By September, both Ben and Maxim Shabalin were going to pains to try to minimize all contact between their partners. It was Shabalin's idea, Ben told Tanith, and he was nervous about it for reasons he wouldn't explain, but Ben happened to concur that the two of them were causing each other trouble.  
  
Tanith had to admit, it was a relief, to be able to assume that she was not going to be seeing anything of Oksana Domnina any time soon; it would be hard enough trying to act as if they were at all comfortable with each other in China(and of course, if they didn't seem comfortable with each other, there would be complications with other people.) But it was no use worrying about that this far in advance.  
  
The problem was, Linichuk didn't seem to be on to Ben and Shabalin's keep-them-apart scheme. On the contrary, she kept comparing Tanith's technique to that of her rival's. Tanith, of course, was always found to be inferior.   
  
It made Tanith more furious than she'd ever been in her life. More furious than when the INS fucked up her paperwork twice, more furious than when she and Ben dropped to fifth after the original dance in Calgary, more furious than when Johnny had called her a bitch and threatened never to speak to her again, more furious than when Fedor had come back and stolen Tessa from her, more furious than when Evan had acted like as asshole in St. Paul the previous year(and in Colorado Springs the previous summer), even more furious than she'd been when she and Ben had lost the bronze to the other Russians by so little when the latter hadn't so much as skated their free dance clean.  
  
She had lost count of the number of days the one thought in her head for most of practice was  _I'll show you_  before she finally snapped. Since she had started training with Russian coaches Tanith had known that you  _did not_  cross them, but she had become angry enough that she actually showed up in Linichuk's office after practice and sputtered something incoherent about it because she was too pissed off to speak clearly. She supposed Linichuk didn't even understand most of what she said, but the constant angry uttering of the name  _Domnina_  seemed to allow her to get of gist of Tanith's complaint.  
  
Linichuk, looking disappointed, said, "Your compulsories almost perfect. Your precision new. Your extension more. You do things you never think to do before. And you do it all because I mention Domnina."  
  
After which Tanith felt pretty sheepish. But the incident made her think. And ultimately, it made her trust Linichuk again.   
  
***  
  
When the opening festivities for Cup of China landed Tanith at the same table as not only Oksana, but also Jana Khokhlova, she decided that excused her just sitting there and smiling and letting them talk to each other in Russian, since, after all, they still didn't have very good English, and Tanith's Russian was even worse.  
  
Except that, as it turned out, the two women didn't have the kind of relationship where you could just let them talk; they were too stiff and too guardedly hostile. Which Tanith had to admit made sense; Khokhlova was trying to topple Oksana, and you couldn't say she had absolutely no chance of succeeding. But at the same time, she knew they'd been friendly enough in the past they'd apparently had sex a few times. Perhaps that just made things worse now. Still, it was nice to have Oksana sneering at someone else for a change, so Tanith still largely let her do it, only distracting them by pointing out an amusing sight involving several pairs skaters when the air really got too tense to stand it any longer. She saw then that they hadn't noticed it because their focus had been so strongly on each other, and that surprised her. She wouldn't have thought it was that bad between them.  
  
She only got an idea why, though, when Sergei Novitski abruptly came over and dragged his partner away, glaring at Tanith and Oksana as if he would have liked to kill them both. Tanith decided that was an opportunity to excuse herself and fled. But she happened to look over at Khokhlova and Novitski and glimpsed the fleeting emotion on the former's face as she looked back on her rival.  
  
"Oh, poor girl," Tanith couldn't help but murmur to herself. If she had genuine feelings for Oksana...and who knew how that bitch had treated her? She hoped that if she was right, Oksana Domnina was eventually led to suffer very badly for what she'd done.  
  
***  
  
Linichuk warned them beforehand that their work was not yet complete, and that they really shouldn't expect much from this Grand Prix season. Still, being in third after the original dance burned.  
  
They channeled it into their free, which was their best in years. Whether it would be enough to move up was anyone's guess. At least until poor Khokhlova went down roughly two minutes later. After that, there was no doubt it would be at least silver. Actually, there was no doubt it would be silver, period, unless something along the lines of the previous year happened, and that sort of thing happening two years in a row was kind of unlikely. Which helped them towards the Finale, but didn't make Tanith feel much better.  
  
When their rivals skated out, Tanith watched thoughtfully. There was no denying that Oksana was good, possibly the best female ice dancer in this particular competition at this particular moment in time. Even Max wasn't quite as bad as he had once been. But even so, as she watched him struggle to keep up with his more talented partner, she wondered how on Earth this team could beat her and Ben; Ben, in her humble opinion, was still Oksana's superior, and she was certainly better than Max.  
  
At least she and Ben won the free dance, which made her feel mildly better. Of course, they didn't win it by nearly enough.  
  
***  
  
By the Grand Prix Finale, Tanith was starting to gain a new confidence in herself, a new comfort in her skates. It wasn't even dispelled when Oksana and Max won again with her and Ben taking silver. Though on the other hand, she also noticed Tessa and Scott, finishing very close behind them, had taken a very big leap forward, and heard the murmurings, once again, that the rest of the jostling taking place in ice dance was irrelevant, because by Vancouver Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir would be absolutely unbeatable.  
  
Tessa herself was looking much better than she'd been, and after the free dance all four of the former training mates fell in together, and she and Tanith found themselves talking and laughing together as if the previous year had never happened.  
  
The only rough spot was just before they parted ways after the men's competition, when Evan arrived. Then Tessa's jealousy rose its ugly head, which made Tanith sad, because her own pride had gotten over the whole situation with Tessa and now she just wished the younger girl could get over her (though not by being in love with Fedor, because that would just lead to her being even more heartbroken). So Tessa sneered and shook her head and waltzed out of the room. And Evan, who, damn him, knew what was going on and could have displayed some sensitivity to her, instead broke down laughing and kept on laughing for some minutes, leaving Tanith to wonder if he'd asphyxiate and spare her the trouble of strangling him.  
  
By the time he'd calmed down, Scott had left too, throwing Tanith a dirty look as he went, and Tanith was resisting the temptation to take Ben and walk out and leave him to laugh however much he wanted to then. "I'm sorry," he gasped, "but she's totally turned into you!"  
  
That observation stuck with Tanith through to the closing banquet, in which she ended up seated opposite Oksana. Fortunately there were enough media hanging around to curtail the worst of her behavior-Linichuk had apparently given her strong words on that subject recently-but when she tilted her head and mentioned something about American eating habits, Tanith suddenly thought Evan was wrong: Tessa was turning into Oksana Domnina.   
  
Then a moment later, she realized that actually, Tessa was turning into both of them, because much as they both hated it, they really were very similar. It was just the way you turned out to be when you ice danced. Hadn't Morgan, according to her own claim, voiced the sentiment in front of both Tanith and Oksana, and gotten both their agreement on it? "Good girls don't win Olympic gold."  
  
So she looked long and hard at Oksana Domnina, and tried to view her objectively for once. And then Oksana's attention focused on her and their eyes met.  
  
And then Tanith felt a frightening warmth in her chest that ransacked her stomach and made her knees feel weak. She was so overwhelmed she had to excuse herself and run to the ladies room to splash cold water on her face.  
  
And that was the first time they felt the attraction to each other.  
  
***  
  
Max had seen it coming, Tanith eventually realized. That was why he'd been so anxious to keep them apart. So the only person left to tell was Ben, which Tanith put off for a bit, because she didn't want to deal with him being stupid and panicking and telling her she had to stay away from that woman.  
  
She should've known better. When Ben heard, he only sighed and said, "Wow, tough luck."  
  
That was why she loved Ben. He was sensible. He realized that people could be dating and still be attracted to other people, and that this did not mean Tanith was going to cheat on Evan with someone she didn't even like. Not mention everyone had a good routine by then which kept Tanith and Oksana good and clear of each other, so there wasn't even any need to change anything.  
  
At any rate she and Ben now had bigger things to worry about, like Nationals. Tanith was suffering from an irrational terror that they couldn't possibly win this year, because noone in U.S. history had ever won six titles in ice dance.  
  
It didn't help matters, either, that Linichuk went off to Finland while they went off to Cleveland. They'd known she'd do that, and she promised she'd do everything she could to get to Cleveland in time for the original dance, and she would certainly be there for the free, but until then they had to work with Karponasov alone. It stung. It stung enough that Tanith made a mistake on a twizzle and they actually lost the OD, barely keeping their lead going into the free.  
  
Even with Linichuk arriving and helping them keep their heads straight the free felt like the fight of their lives. It actually didn't help matters that their training mates had lost Europeans; because that couldn't help but change Linichuk. It certainly didn't help matters when Meryl and Charlie broke 215 in their overall score. Listening to the scores as she stood by the barrier, all Tanith could think was,  _One mistake and it's all gone._  
  
Linichuk placed her hand on the barrier, over Tanith's, and said, "Lose, and Oksanaa laugh at you."  
  
It was obvious what she was trying to achieve with that remark, but that was the problem, because it meant it didn't work. But somehow, the absurdity of it struck Tanith, and she laughed. She couldn't help it. Then Ben chuckled and swung her out towards the center of the ice.  
  
The mirth had passed by the time they got into position, leaving them relaxed, the earlier anxiety now gone. It was all so simple all of a sudden, because Tanith now knew two simple facts: they were the best ice dancers in the world, and they were in front of the one judging panel of the year that was certain to be willing to admit it.  
  
Five minutes later they had broken the record for consecutive national titles in ice dance.  
  
***  
  
By the time they got back to Pennsylvania, word had gotten around that Oksana and Max were in trouble politically, that they and possibly the Russian federation had handled their leaving Gorshkov wrong and losing Europeans had, in fact, been a consequence of that. Tanith didn't believe it. If one coach went against the Russian federation, surely it had to end with that coach going down. Besides, they had still beaten Khokhlova and Novitski.  
  
But she happened to run into Oksana Domnina that first day back, by arriving very early at the arena, and also, as she learned later, because she and her partner were too depressed by the events of Helsinki to bother with keeping the two women apart. She found her in the locker room, curled up on top of a bench, staring down at the floor, looking like she was five years old.  
  
On impulse Tanith asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
Oksana glared up at her. "I never vant come here," she said.  
  
"I thought this was what all Gorshkov's students did; didn't you say that?"  
  
"I still not vant. Max and me, neither of us vant come here to this country, ve think maybe ve leave Gorshkov, but not for this, especially after you two come here. Ve know Linichuk, she vanting you long time. You think she prefer us to you? Piseev had make her into taking us because of you! Say husband not on council if not!" There were tears in her eyes.  
  
Tanith was so surprised by this version of her rival that she found herself saying, "I still think you two are skating better because you came here. I've watched you, you know."  
  
Oksana stood up. "Vhy so nice? You know, do you not, that Piseev vant you hurt. I say I do not vant that, and if you believe me or not believe me is true, but he vant it, oh yes, he vant it."  
  
"Well" said Tanith awkwardly, "what he wants isn't really your fault, right?" But on the other hand, she then reminded herself, Oksana herself wasn't really a good person. But then again, that was still just who there were.  
  
Oksana shrugged and looked away. She exposed the back curve of her neck; Tanith could see how smooth the skin was. She felt the tug of the attraction again and decided she didn't need to change just yet; she was very early, after all. She left without saying goodbye.  
  
***  
  
Slowly, throughout the month of February, the rules loosened further. The truth was both teams were now desperate to prove themselves at the upcoming Worlds, and trying to avoid each other just took up too much energy that they needed for other things. At first both woman dutifully pretended the other wasn't there when they passed by each other, but by the middle of the month they were saying hi and things like that. There were no further displays of hostility either; each team had kind of become the least of the other's concerns.  
  
In fact, Tanith might have even liked it, if not for the fact that she still wanted Oksana, sometimes very badly. And what with Evan being as obsessed with this particular Worlds as her, they weren't keeping things up as much as usual. Not that she was truly tempted, for the most part-she still knew better-but it did make it harder.  
  
A week before they were to fly to Los Angeles the two of them again met in the locker room. This time it was Tanith who was seated on the bench, staring down at the floor as she wallowed.  
  
"Bad?" Oksana asked.  
  
"What do you care?" Tanith growled back. "It's only the better for you."  
  
Oksana didn't respond to this. She turned towards her locker and took off her sweatshirt. Tanith felt dizzy, and hastily focused on the bruising on her upper arm. "Nasty bruises there," she commented. "Did you hit the boards, or did your partner drop you?"  
  
"Oh!" The question startled Oksana. "Oh, drop. Two days ago."  
  
"When your boyfriend was visiting," Tanith observed. "Hope he didn't get too worried. There was a point when Ben actually forbade Evan to watch us."  
  
"He not there," said Oksana, whirling quickly away from Tanith to pull her locker open.   
  
Her back was bruised too; it must have been a very hard fall indeed. "Wow, did you get something to look your over after that one, make sure you didn't damage anything?"  
  
Dominina glared at her over her shoulder. "You joke, ask am I strong?"  
  
"Actually," said Tanith, standing up, "I was serious. When it comes to your back you really can't be too careful."  
  
"We practice, no time."  
  
"You could've gone after the session. Just get a glance over from someone with strong knowledge of bone structure, to tell you if you hit yourself anywhere dangerous or not. I know it would've relieved my mind considerably to know no harm done. Ben's dealt with back problems; I can tell you, they're a serious matter."  
  
"You think ve not know injury?" Oksana asked angrily, stepping dangerously into Tanith's personal space. "You think Max not know? You think I not know?"  
  
"Do you think I'm that dumb? Do you really..." But Tanith couldn't think of what she was supposed to say next. The smell of Oksana's skin and sweat, the warmth from her body, the sight of her shoulders and arms and shiny collarbone and her round, soft breasts all but visible through her sports bra, the spark in her eyes, and a month of tension and frustration were just too much. Tanith tried to take a step back, but her feet were frozen to the floor. "Look," she tried again, "I don't," then she brought her hands up to gesture, just as Oksana moved forward again.  
  
When Tanith's hands came into contact with her skin they were both lost. Before Tanith knew what was happening she was on the floor with her rival on top of her, Oskana mauling her lips like a starved animal, Tanith kissing her back as hard as she could, shoving her hands under Oksana's bra and moaning as Oksana's hands found their way under her sweatshirt.  
  
 _"Nyet!"_   Oksana ripped herself away, horrified.  _"Nyet! Ja ne movgy!"_  She fled the room.  
  
And that was their first kiss.  
  
***  
  
After she got home, Tanith sat in her living room and tried to convince herself that she would have stopped it if Oksana hadn't, that she would have kept them from going too far, that she had more reason to, she had a boyfriend who was actually faithful to her. She was still trying when the doorbell rang. When she peered through the spyhole and saw it was Oksana, she was so shocked she opened the door without thinking.  
  
"I vant say sorry," said the other woman without preamble. "I do bad thing."  
  
"We both did wrong," said Tanith, "and I should have known better, being the one who really can't, though obviously since you view me as your rival I completely understand-"  
  
"You can't?" Oksana interrupted. "And I can? Ve both have boyfriend."  
  
"What?" Tanith asked, confused. "But Oksana, don't you know Kostamarov isn't faithful to you? I mean, everyone knows that; I can't believe you don't know that. You could do whatever you wanted with me without regards to him."  
  
"He no like."  
  
"He doesn't like when you cheat on him, you mean? Well then, he shouldn't be cheating on you!"  
  
"He no like," Oksana said again. "He get angry, very angry." She trembled, and Tanith saw her hand wander up to her arm, rest over where Tanith had seen the bruise.  
  
And then Tanith knew, as if Oksana had actually told her, she was that sure. "Oksana," she breathed, horrified, "you didn't fall, did you? Max didn't drop you. That bruising isn't from the ice."  
  
Oksana shook her head. "Ve are not saying-ve are not talking-ve are not having this talk."  
  
"No," said Tanith. "No, now I know this, do you really think I can ignore it? I'm not that much of a..." She couldn't find an adequate word for it. "I...how do you put up with it?"  
  
"Put up?" Oksana repeated, confused.  
  
Thinking she didn't recognize the expression, Tanith clarified. "How can you be with him? How can you allow him to do that to you?"  
  
Offended, Oksana drew herself up and said, "Now I am not having this talk." She turned and walked away, Tanith too stunned to give more than a feeble protest, which she might not have even heard.  
  
***  
  
The first person Tanith went to was Linichuk, shortly before evening practice. Linichuk listened patiently through her account of seeing the bruises, didn't even blink when Tanith, knowing better than to try to be anything other than completely honest, confessed to the unexpected make-out session, adding that she didn't have the slightest intention of ever allowing anything like that to happen again, and then when she had heard Tanith repeat the entire conversation they'd had at jer door, she said, "Vhat do I do?"  
  
Making no attempt to hide how ridiculous she thought that question was, Tanith said, "Well, obviously, we have to stop this. If nothing else, it probably hinders her as a skater, remember."  
  
"How?" Linichuk asked. "Ve can not let anyone arrest him. He is Olympic champion; it is too dangerous."  
  
Tanith saw the point of that, but she replied, "Surely we can keep him away from her. Can't you order them apart? I mean, I know Russian coaches do that sometimes; Igor even threatened Evan with it once."  
  
"I do not have good reason," replied Linichuk.   
  
"What do you mean you don't have good reason? He's beating her!"  
  
"You do not even know that. And she still does skate as good; I vould act if she did not. And I do not think she vould cooperate. They did not choose me, remember; that is problem, because they will get more angry. She vould see him in secret; and that vould be more dangerous. Now, I have some control. He does not see her this veek; he vill not until after competition. Because I do not make too much; they let me make that."  
  
All points Tanith couldn't counter, but the ability to believe that there was really no choice but to let this happen was still beyond her. "There has to be something we can do. Why does she allow this? Why would she even work against us in preventing it?"  
  
"She does not see it as you do," said Linichuk. She emphasized the  _you_ , and Tanith suddenly had the sickening fear that Linichuk might just agree with her.  
  
Not wanting to know, because she wasn't sure she could still train under her if she did, Tanith just said, "I suppose you're right. But it is absolutely terrible." She stood up. "I have to go get dressed."  
  
***  
  
After practice Ben got Tanith alone and asked what was wrong. She told him.  
  
"Yikes," said Ben, dazed. "I never liked Kostamarov much, but I never imagined..."  
  
"And Linichuk says there's nothing she can do," said Tanith. "And I'm not sure if she really can't do anything, or she doesn't want to do anything."  
  
"Tanith!" said Ben, appalled by the accusation.  
  
"I know, but you weren't there with her in her office."  
  
"I'm inclined to believe her," said Ben. "Don't think I'm not completely sickened, Tanith, but if she says there's nothing we can do, well, I think she has to be right."  
  
"The thing that confuses me the most," said Tanith, "is Oksana's attitude. I can't understand it."  
  
"In any case," said Ben hastily, "I think you should steer clear of her for at least the rest of this week. It's probably just general frustration and pre-competition nerves, but if being near her makes you risk doing something you'll regret later for more than one reason..."  
  
And he was right, in that Tanith had to think of herself first, period. But there was one more person she wanted to talk to.  
  
***  
  
Very early the next morning Maxim Shabalin answered his door looking a little tired, and Tanith immediately said to him, "I know your partner's boyfriend is abusing her."  
  
When Max stared at her in confusion she said, "Don't tell me you don't know that. There were bruises on her upper arms; there's no way you can't be aware of them. And she all but confessed to me yesterday that they were from him."  
  
When he still said nothing she demanded, "How can you just stand by? Why don't you say something to her?"  
  
"That is not my business."  
  
"Well," said Tanith, narrowly refraining from shouting, "you could make it your business."  
  
"Would you like it if Ben did that?" asked Max. "You have problem vith your boyfriend, last summer, yes? I see you have problem. Ben does not act, no?"  
  
Tanith shook her head. "That's not the same thing at all. Evan and I did have some problems last summer, yes. But those were because he was being self-centered and I was demanding something of him he couldn't give very easily. So yeah, things like that Ben can stay out of. Let me assure you, if Evan ever hit me, Ben would take the first plane to California and rip his nuts off with his bare hands!"  
  
"You Americans," Max commented. "This really is very important to you."  
  
"I would think it would be important to anyone not to live in fear of their lover. I would also think it would be important that your skating partner not either."   
  
She delivered the last sentence with such vehemence that Max stepped back and raised his hands. "Vhat vould you tell me to do? She choose to be vith him. She vant him."  
  
"You could at least talk to her about it, I don't know."  
  
"Vhy you care?" he asked. "She is your rival. Vhy-nothing happen, did it?" What he meant by that was obvious enough.  
  
Tanith had already considered this question, and was able to answer it honestly. "What may or may not have happened is for her to tell you about if she wants to, but it doesn't matter whether it did or not. This could be a matter of general compassion for one's fellow woman, but I don't even need to fall back on that, because she may be my rival, but that mean she's also my sister, especially since you've surely noticed how much we have in common. When I see something like this with her-with any woman, but her especially, I can't help but feel upset."  
  
"You Americans," Max said again, and Tanith feared it was useless to say anything further.  
  
***  
  
The next week the two teams avoided each other's company like the plague. Then they all had to go to the airport together. But Tanith found herself staring at Oksana while they waited to check in and feeling nothing but sadness. Knowing her dark secret had completely killed Tanith's desire for her.  
  
That was the first of many reliefs that accompanied Tanith to Los Angeles. Another was when she got herself to Evan's place and pushed him up against his living room wall, and he laughed afterwards and said he should have expected something like that, and she smiled, and was unbelievably happy, because she was now sure that despite her recent escapades her feelings for him were genuinely unchanged. Then she got the news from Scott that Tessa had dumped Fedor, and she wasn't even too down about it. "She spent time being upset about it already over the past couple of months," he said, "believe me, so she's done all her crying and stuff, and now she's good." Though to be fair, that wasn't quite so much a relief after she saw how much of another leap forward the two of them had taken. When they were in front after the OD, it couldn't be much of a surprise, though at least their lead was by less than two points. They drew to skate last, right after Tanith and Ben.  
  
***  
  
When Tanith and Ben took to the ice, Oksana and Max held the lead, but their scores were beatable enough; the real problem had yet to skate. But at last, after such a confusing season, far too much stress, and better skating than they would have been capable of before it, they skated out into the rink as if they were in the eye of the storm. Tanith swore afterwards that when she touched Ben's shoulder for their opening pose, she felt a crack of electricity. By the time they reached their first element, she had come into a strange disassociation, as if she could almost see herself skating from the outside, her body moving without her mind. Then he mind submerged itself, and it was as if everything outside of herself and Ben and the ice had shut itself off, not just been cleared away, but had never existed in the first place. That was the last thing she remembered clearly; after that it became a blur. All she knew was that it had never before felt this perfect.  
  
Maybe Ben was more aware than she was, because the first words out of his mouth after their final pose were, "Oh my..."  
  
Around them the audience was on its feet, their applause loud enough to make Tanith's ears rattle. Her legs felt weak; it took her a minute to pull herself up. She couldn't stop smiling. The audience whirled around her as they took their bows.  
  
She had no clear idea how they got into the kiss and cry. There might have been hugs at some point, or possibly kissing flower girls on the cheek. Their overall score came up: 216.03. Their highest score since 2005, but there was one team here that could score still higher.  
  
"Do you think we should watch?" Ben asked when they got backstage. "I'm not sure we should watch." They hadn't watched anyone else, but that had been before they had skated.  
  
"I doubt we can avoid hearing," Tanith replied. Tessa and Scott's music had begun, and the audience had barely quieted in time for it. About half a minute into it, just as Tanith finally brought her eyes to the monitor, Tessa and Scott finished a spectacular lift and the audience's applause sounded far too loud.  
  
Her and Ben's four minutes had been a blur. Tessa and Scott's four minutes dragged on and on and felt like four hours. It wasn't fair, Tanith thought desperately. She and Ben were never in their life going to skate better than they had tonight. Why couldn't they, just for this one measly night, finally be the best in the world?  
  
At last it was over. Again there was a standing ovation and thunderous applause.  
  
Then Tanith vaguely heard a woman's voice speaking in Russian. A moment later she recognized it as Oksana's. It sounded like she was a little way away, talking to a reporter.  _She'll never be World Champion now,_  Tanith couldn't help but think.  _If Tessa and Scott don't win tonight, they will win next year, and if they lose again, it won't be to them-or us, for that matter. And at one point she probably thought she'd be winning her second right about now._  
  
In the monitor's reflection she saw the face of Jana Khokhlova, saw her look out in the direction of Oksana's voice, then fix her eyes on the monitor. She was smirking. However much Oksana might have hurt her in the past, she was getting the sweetest revenge for it imaginable.  
  
Then Tessa and Scott's scores came up. Lower than Tanith and Ben's, at least, but by less than two points. "Can you think?" Tanith asked.  
  
"No," said Ben, just as the overall score came up.  
  
215.89.  
  
Four long years of tension broke in a single moment; a wild sob ripped itself out of Tanith's chest and she flung her arms around Ben. She could feel him shaking. She thought their coaches and American officials might be cheering and maybe even screaming nearby, but outside of herself and Ben the world had again ceased to exist.  
  
 _We have this,_  she thought, crying into his shoulders as he too audibly broke down in tears.  _Whatever happens after tonight, we'll always have this, and noone can ever take it away from us._  
  
***  
  
The days and weeks and months after they won the world title seemed to run together in Tanith's head, like a story hurrying to finish after its climax. There was a vague time of being famous and in demand and skating in lots of shows, and then one of getting back to the ice and back to work, and then it was Skate America again, only it was their second event this time, though at least they'd gotten an easy field for it.  
  
A few moments stood out. Such as the first time she found herself running into Roman Kostamarov when he came to Aston after worlds, and she excused herself and fled with outright rude haste. Thankfully she had never actually seen much of him, and saw less now. Another was Champs' Camp and Meryl and Charlie and spending more time together than they had in ages. They seemed a lot older to Tanith now; she had always thought of Meryl as younger than herself and now she somehow couldn't anymore. One of the most striking was during a show in Sun Valley where she walked in on Johnny Weir tutoring Oksana in English. It somehow made her look at both of them in a way she never had before: Johnny as a gentle mentor, Oksana as a careful and meticulous student at something she wasn't confident in. Afterwards she fell in with Johnny and now there wasn't even any tension any more, which made her very happy, even if she was still sad, because she and Johnny would probably never again enjoy the closeness they once had.  
  
Viewing that scene resulted in a less beneficial effect too, she discovered a few nights later, when she woke up from an erotic dream featuring her rival, and realized she wanted her again.  
  
***  
  
The first thing that happened at the Grand Prix Finale was that Evan proposed.  
  
He was proposing now, he explained, because it was getting obvious he was supposed to at some point, and it would be better if they didn't have the issue hanging over their heads during these next few competitions. But when Tanith said yes, instead of sliding the ring onto her finger, he turned her hand over and placed it in the palm. ""It's not that I wouldn't like to see you wearing it immediately," he said, "but you know, then other people would see it, and..."  
  
"Yeah," Tanith agreed; they'd learned the hard way the less attention paid to their relationship by the media, the better.  
  
In the end they agreed to tell only a few people before the Olympics, and keep it from the media until after Worlds. Evan had bought a chain for the ring, and Tanith tucked it under her shirt.  
  
In the end, Tanith in fact told noone, because their coaches all knew already-Evan had asked around for permission-and when she knocked on Ben's door that night to tell him he guessed as soon as he saw her, and all she had to do was just nod. As discreet as one could get, she thought, and all four people who knew were people Tanith trusted would never let a hint of it drop.  
  
Yet somehow the rumor got out anyway the next day. Noone actually said anything to her, and at first as she headed to the arena to practice, she tried to convince herself she was imagining the stares. Then she came face to face with Oksana rinkside, and knew there were some looks you couldn't imagine.  
  
***  
  
The second thing that happened at the Grand Prix Finale was the competition itself.  
  
It was one of those crazy competitions where noone skated clean and as a result the placements became completely unpredictable. Though Tessa and Scott won anyway. But Khokhlova and Novitski won the silver, beating Oksana and Max, who took the bronze. Tanith and Ben got stuck in fourth, but at least they didn't do as badly as poor Delobel and Schoenfelder, who fell behind Meryl and Charlie into last place.  
  
At least whole charade provided enough for people to talk about that they forgot about the whole engagement question for a few hours. The only time Tanith herself remembered it-first time since it had been made that she had forgotten about it for so long-was when she and Tessa were sitting up in the stands waiting for the men's competition to begin, talking about the crazy competition and if the men's competition could top that, and when the subject of how Evan would do inevitably came up Tanith watched Tessa carefully, but she honestly didn't seem too hurt about Tanith getting engaged, since it was a good bet that she was absolutely certain that Tanith was. On that day Tanith put the last of her concerns about Tessa and her to rest.  
  
On the other hand, she was given something else to think about when a mention of Jana Khokhlova and her very flattering outfit made Tessa clearly blush. Since the two of them were almost certain to be each other's biggest rivals for the top spots in the world for the upcoming four years, that could lead to things getting very complicated indeed.  
  
***  
  
The third thing that happened actually happened when they got back to Pennsylvania, and it was that Tanith walked into the locker room after practice to find Oksana there waiting for her, and she asked, "Vill you marry?"  
  
"That's none of your business," said Tanith, and tried to push past her, only to have her shirt grabbed and yanked off, exposing the ring lying against her breast. She looked at the diamond on the end of it and wished Evan had gone with a more unusual engagement ring. "Give me back my shirt," she said.  
  
On receiving the shirt, she promptly pulled it back on, which made Oksana laugh. "Vhy do that? You change it now, yes?"  
  
"Get out."  
  
But instead she seized Tanith and kissed her hard. Her lips, her smell, her hands. It all felt so good Tanith nearly succumbed again. But she had been here before, and as with a disease she had built up a resistance to it. Very firmly she pushed her away. "Okay," she said. "I am engaged. Happy now?"  
  
"You refuse..." said Oksana. "Do you think Evan not cheat on you?"  
  
"What?" Tanith asked incredulously. "Look, I know the guy has many faults, but infidelity isn't one of them."  
  
Oksana laughed scornfully. "No man is faithful vhen he is vhere your Evan is. He is on that coast; you are on this coast. He cheat; all man cheat."  
  
Tanith shook her head. "Do you really think if he slept with anyone else I wouldn't know about it? You know the ways of our world as well as I do, and with Evan and I being bound up in an even closer circle...he's probably even heard rumors about us, though I doubt he believes it, because he knows perfectly well, which you apparently don't, that even if he didn't exist I'd never touch you!" For a moment she thought about one rumor, the only one about Evan she'd ever heard, but then she dismissed it. Even if Evan would, which she still didn't believe, Jeff Buttle certainly wouldn't.  
  
Oksana's only response was to try to kiss her again, but this time Tanith slapped her hard. For a moment she regretted it when she saw how hard the other woman flinched, but then her rage kicked in, and she said, "Plus even if Evan did cheat, or didn't exist, I'll be nobody's 'other woman.' Go back to your abusive boyfriend, since it seems you're happy enough to keep him, and you know I tried to talk to your partner and Linichuk, but you know what? He can beat you until you can't skate for all I care! In fact, I would hope he would so I wouldn't have to deal with you, but you and your partner who can't skate took care of that problem for me, didn't you?"  
  
Then she tried to pull away, but Oksana seized her arm, looked into her eyes, and said, "Oh no. I vill have you. I promise this, on one day, I vill have you. You vill not vin."  
  
Tanith laughed unpleasantly. "Making this the one competition in my life where I have complete control over the outcome? Worst. Thing. You could have. Tried." She wrenched herself free and left, deciding to change when she got home.  _I should have said all that months and months ago,_  she thought to herself. This was only what it was best to do. And there was absolutely, positively, no reason to cry.  
  
Maybe if she walked fast enough she wouldn't.  
  
***  
  
In retrospect, trying to cut her rival down to size was probably a mistake, because Tanith thought it just lit a fire under her. When she saw their scores at Europeans she hurried to YouTube to watch their performance, which turned out to be scarily good. She and Ben ecked out a seventh title, but it didn't feel like much of a victory.  
  
She and Ben were in fourth after the OD in Vancouver. Tessa and Scott were comfortably ahead, Delobel and Schoenfelder were in second, and Oksana and Max in third, but she and Ben were fairly close to both teams.   
  
When Delobel drew her and her partner's skating order for the free dance, she cast a look at both of the women just below her. There was a hardness to Isabelle Delobel beyond that of most skaters, born of being the one left without a medal too many times, assuaged only so much by the gold from 2008, and made worse by multiple disappointments this season, and now she made both woman flinch, and each saw the other flinch. Then the French woman smiled, and strode away, her mission accomplished. Tanith and Oksana exchanged a long and meaningful look. They both knew what this meant. Tessa and Scott were almost certain for the gold, and Isabelle Delobel would make that podium if she had to break her legs in order to do it. That meant one of the two of them would finish just off it.  
  
After Oksana drew the 23rd spot, Tanith rose and drew 24. The last spot.  
  
Oksana was looking at her. For a moment her expression looked vulnerable.  
  
Tanith shrugged slightly, and cocked her head to the side as she walked back to Ben. Then she took his hand and whispered, "Let's get out of here. Now."  
  
***  
  
After that she refused to think about Oksana until after she and Ben had skated, and were sitting in the kiss and cry waiting to hear their fate. Then she looked at the placements, but tried to avoid looking at the scores, for she suddenly wondered how much value this medal would be to her if Oksana and Max had messed up. They were, at least, still in third. She had always been determined that if it ever came down to be right or being the winner, she would sooner win-let other teams make martyrs of themselves-but now that it was all over, she started to think that this hadn't been right.  
  
But she felt an even stronger sadness when the scores did come up, and they did take her and Ben up into third, but barely, and it now became a certainty that she would never be Olympic champion. It hit her much harder than she thought it would.  
  
"Well," said Ben, "now we're in the silver and bronze club, whose esteemed membership includes Nancy Kerrigan, the Zhangs, Usova and Zhulin, Irina Slutskaya, and most famously Michelle Kwan. Not bad to be in the company of Michelle Kwan, is it?"  
  
This way of looking at it did cheer Tanith up, and with the other four skaters on the podium all ecstatic to be there her mood lifted further. If she could just avoid Oksana's(or Max's) company until after the Olympics and they decided not to go to Worlds, she decided, she could finish her career in contentment.  
  
***  
  
Unfortunately, after Delobel and Schoenfelder announced they wouldn't go to Worlds, Oksana and Max decided they would. Early in March Ben asked Tanith if she really wanted to go to Worlds herself. But she saw he really wanted to, and between that and Evan most decidedly going, she thought she might as well put in the last handful of weeks.  
  
She had too little left to give though. In the end she and Ben finished off the podium. Oksana and Max, on the other hand, took the bronze, and Khokhlova and Novitski the silver. When the latter realized they'd won it, Tanith saw Khokhlova openly hug Tessa, and they were clearly restraining themselves from kissing. She couldn't help but feel that was appropriate, that the girls that had crushed on her and Oksana Domnina should instead hook up with each other. It more likely than not wouldn't last, of course, but it was still good to see it happening now.  
  
***  
  
Two hours before Evan was scheduled to skate, someone leaked the news about the engagement to the press.  
  
Tanith was in the lobby with Morgan and Meryl when this development reached her in the form of several reporters running up and bombarding them with questions. Tanith spent a minute listening before saying, "Excuse me, I really have to-" and gesturing in the general direction of the ladies room.  
  
Once in there, she tried to call Evan, on the off chance that he'd forgotten to turn his phone off, but no luck. She called Frank Carroll instead, and explained the situation to him. "Keep them busy," he said to her over the phone. "Especially an hour from now. And then try to send one of your friends to the skater's entrance at that time."  
  
Tanith repeated these instructions to Morgan and Meryl by way of calling them each in turn from the bathroom, so the reporters heard only their quick "Uh-huhs" and "okays" given at plausible intervals. Then she put her best publicity face on, summoned up her best pieces of wit-and this was a case where she felt could be a little naughty in her comments if need be-and sauntered out to face two long hours of keeping media people distracted.  
  
But in the end she wasn't needed for the first hour, because when she got back she found Morgan telling the reporters some crazy story about her and Evan and Ben and possibly a replica of the Statue of Liberty, and then she made another comment that made Tanith really hope for her sake the Azerbaijani federation was willing to let the skaters it recruited get away with  _anything,_  and they drew quite a crowd while Morgan talked on and on and Meryl laughed and Tanith tried not to look like she had no idea what she was doing, and when about five minutes before Evan was likely to arrive at the arena she calmly excused herself and sauntered out, Tanith found herself talking about training with her for awhile. So she had an easy time of it, and about twenty minutes later Frank called her again. "He's backstage," he said. "We snuck him in, so he knows something going on, but he seems to have shrugged of the question of what, and I think we're safe now." Ten minutes later Tanith and Meryl excused themselves and hurried to the stands to watch, and Tanith to also tell Morgan, who met them there, that anything Tanith could ever do for her she would gladly do.  
  
"Convince Meryl here not to come to Linichuk if she ever leaves Shilband," said Morgan, "so Leif and I can have her to ourselves from now on."  
  
Meryl shrugged. "Charlie and I have talked about that already. We don't plan on leaving Igor anytime soon, and we know it might come to that, but I think we'd go to Evgeny Platov."  
  
Evan only found out the secret was out after he'd skated perfectly and was in first place with only two skaters to go. And before he had a chance to really get annoyed, those two skaters had come in behind him and left him the winner, and then there was nothing that could ruin his mood. Tanith, too, felt the stress of the day evaporate and though it was over another hour before either of them got out of the arena it felt like it breezed by before the two of them were together and heading to the nearest restaurant in Torino with a few friends in tow to celebrate.  
  
***  
  
At least when they left the arena, it was a few friends. Then their number managed to get a lot bigger until it was positively a caravan of people looking for a restaurant that could serve them all on such short notice. For the most part that just made Tanith happier-until she found herself sitting opposite not only Oksana, but also Roman Kostamarov.  
  
She managed to ignore them for much of the dinner, but then they'd all had some wine and Evan was getting merrier and merrier, and when everyone was finishing up their dishes he called a toast. "To Tanith," he said. "The love of my life." He kissed her, and everyone awwwed and applauded.  
  
And then Kostamarov spoke up. "I think ve need drink for new reason now." He took his girlfriend's hand, and said, "Last night, after free dance, I ask Oksana if she marry me, and she say yes."  
  
Most of the table clapped and cheered. Evan cheered very loudly, and Tanith looked at him in the hopes it would somehow keep people from looking at her. She put on her diplomatic smile and managed a congratulations, and the table toasted again.  
  
When leaving the restaurant, ironically it was Kostamarov who suggested they take cabs home instead of waiting for the bus. Getting into the cabs when half the group was very drunk proved to be a very confusing matter, and somehow, Tanith wasn't sure how, she and Oksana ended up alone together in one cab.  
  
"You're really going to marry that man," said Tanith.  
  
"You can not understand."  
  
"Please say you didn't accept him just to spite me."  
  
She shook her head. "I marry him anyvay. He is....husband. I need husband."  
  
"You can do better than him."  
  
Oksana looked away. "I vant better than him. But," she paused. "I...can not have."   
  
Then Tanith felt her hand seized, and watched as Oksana, still looking away, raised that hand-the one without the ring-to her lips and kissed it. Tanith felt the heat run through her arm, but it died when Oksana finally turned her head, and Tanith was brought face to face with the hopeless, ridiculous love that now filled her eyes.  
  
And Tanith felt awful, because contrary to what she'd claimed, she knew if it hadn't been for Evan, she might have loved her back, and even if she hadn't, she would have taken her here, in this moment, taken her away from the monster she would instead give herself too, tried to love her in time if need be, because it probably would have happened eventually. But she was committed to the person she loved instead, and couldn't do that. She remembered too, the wish she had made at that banquet in China a year and a half ago, and felt even worse.  
  
When they reached the hotel Oksana ran out of the cab, and by the time Tanith had climbed out she was already through the entrance and out of sight. Tanith would not talk to her again for nearly five years.

***

Oksana made sure Tanith remembered her on her wedding day; she managed to schedule her own wedding for the same day. It didn't help matters, either, that they were both getting married in Orthodox ceremonies, albeit for different branches of Orthodoxy; in fact, from what Tanith could tell, Oksana chose to make the gesture after word got around that Tanith had managed to get baptized so they could get married in the Church.  
  
It worked. When they exchanged rings she saw Oksana's hands instead of her own. They marched to the alter and Tanith saw Oksana marching to her doom. She look at the wreath held over her head, and thought about what Evan had told her, that it was a crown of joy, but also of matyrdom. Her heart trembled, and she felt fear. Perhaps the priest saw, for he looked at her kindly; the Church acknowledged that marriage required some sacrifice, and she was allowed to be a little frightened.  
  
Then it was done, and she and Evan turned to face the congregation.  _At this moment, he claims her as his,_  Tanith thought, even though she knew he probably already had hours ago, what with the time zone difference. Then her anger rose up at Oksana doing this to her, on this big day of her life, and she thought,  _At this moment, I walk away from her,_  as she and Evan took their first steps together as husband and wife.  
  
***  
  
There were a lot of marriages that year. A month after she and Evan were married she saw Ben married to Merrie, and two months after that they went up to Canada to see Jeff Buttle married to Chris Mabee. Then near the end of the year Johnny not only married Stephane Lambiel, but they also adopted a little girl named Tatiana from an orphanage in Moscow, and they decided the combination of events justified throwing a huge bash in Boston with a hundred of their closest friends, plus everyone training in the city. Johnny sent both Evan and Tanith invitations, adding that he would love to have Evan there so they could thumb their noses at the media that had hassled them both so much during the later part of their careers.  
  
Evan liked the idea of thumbing their noses at the media, and was now willing to admit to that, so the two of them went together, and Evan and Stephane hogged the karaoke machine at the party until the latter and Johnny had to leave to put their new daughter to bed, and didn't come back. Towards the end of the evening Tanith watching idly as Evan belted out some pop song along with Tomas Verner, Carolina Kostner, Katrina Hacker, and some non-skating friend of Johnny's whose name she couldn't remember, before a voice behind her said, "Very silly, your husband," and she turned to see Maxim Shabalin. There were a lot of Russians here, of course, but she hadn't realized he was among them.  
  
"How are you? And Ben?" he asked. "It has been many months."  
  
"I'm fine," said Tanith. "So's Ben. And you? And Oksana?"  
  
Max's smile faded. "I am fine, but Oksana....you vere right."  
  
"What do you mean?" Tanith asked, looking around, but everyone was watching Evan and the others.  
  
"I do not see her off ice," he said. "Roman...he is jealous. He did not like that she vas vith me already, but I think Gorshkov, then Linichuk talk to him, and he let be. Now...he alvays has her. Is angry vhen she sees people vithout him. Takes her from me vhen ve leave ice. I see her look at him, and I see fear. Johnny invite them here, but he say no, and they not come, and I think she vant to very much. You vere right. I vish I listen."  
  
***  
  
Tanith saw almost nothing of Oksana during their professional career, because hers was in North America, and Oksana's in Russia. They both performed in Japan, but even there they didn't run into each other too often. Then in 2013 her partner injured his knee again and was forced to leave the ice for good, and though she sometimes performed with Kostamarov and with celebrities on Russian reality TV, it reduced her career even further.  
  
She heard about her, however, at galas and summer shows, because Tessa's relationship with Jana Khokhlova lasted nearly three years, and even after it ended, Jana soon hooked up with Meryl. There, at least, was one woman who had no qualms about dating her most direct competition. They gave her only vague pieces of news though; she had performed with this or that person, she was in this city or that city. She was pregnant. She had miscarried.  
  
In 2014 Tanith accepted her first commentating job helping to cover the Sochi Olympics. During the ice dance competition she scanned the audience, because Kostamarov was former champion, after all, and surely he and his wife would put in an appearance. And she saw Tatiana Navka there, but no sign of them.  
  
Even though they were no longer competing, it seemed the coming and going of the Olympics still marked the transition times in her and Ben's and Evan's lives. They continued to tour and perform, but now Evan's hips were going and Ben was complaining about his back sometimes, and Tanith didn't feel pain in any specific parts of her body, just tiredness all over. They felt even older when Tessa and Scott decided they were in love after all and got engaged, and Leif announced he was moving to Baku to start up a pairs school, of all things, and Charlie amused everybody by marrying a certain former junior ice dancer whose mother had been infamous of her fondness for him. Evan started some hesitant coaching. Ben started practicing his guitar more seriously, and even tried composing, and then Merrie got pregnant, which to Tanith felt unreal, that her partner was about to become a father. Tanith herself did a couple more TV jobs.  
  
It barely even passed their radar when late in 2014 someone discovered new oil resources in the Northwest Territories.  
  
***  
  
Early in 2015 Tanith received a surprise visit from Oksana.  
  
Evan answered the door, and on hearing she wanted to talk to Tanith called her over. The three of them sat down, the two women a safe distance from each other, and the first thing Oksana said was, "I divorce."  
  
"Good," said Tanith immediately. She saw Evan's confused look, and tried to figure out how to explain things to him.  
  
Oksana went on, "I come here because I maybe need you. Roman maybe make trouble, but my lawyer say we threaten him. He do things to me, things not against law in Russia, but against law here."  
  
"He can legally beat you in Russia?" Tanith asked, shocked, ignoring Evan's gasp.  
  
"Not against law. But here, he break law, and not enough years ago for...stat-sta..." The phrase was clearly new to her; she was having trouble with it.  
  
"The statue of limitations hasn't expired, you mean," Tanith said for her.  
  
"Yes, that. Max say he tes-ti-fy." She managed that word, though barely. "But if he fight, we maybe need you tes-ti-fy."  
  
"Oh, absolutely," said Tanith. She thought briefly about what else might come to light if she, Oksana, and Max didn't all perjure themselves, but surely Oksana's lawyer would go to every pain to dismiss the old rumors and take whatever other measures were necessary to keep that from coming up; it might derail her case if he didn't. "Believe me, I remember everything." Then she realize how that statement could be taken, but it was still all too true.  
  
After she left, Evan shook his head. "Why the hell did she marry him? And stay with him for nearly five years? Especially when she got pregnant-who knows what he might have done to the baby if she'd had it?"  
  
All things Tanith had thought herself, but now that she heard him say them she grew angry. "We all do stupid things in life," she managed to say. "At least it's over now. I hope he doesn't make trouble."  
  
He didn't, in the end; the only further contact Tanith got with Oksana that year was an email telling her he wasn't going to, so she wouldn't be needed after all. Rumor had it Tatiana Navka bullied him into going quietly; she had recently come into a position of power in Russia from where she could do that, and in which any scandal involving her former partner could cause a lot of trouble for her. Which led Tanith to wonder how she'd handled skating with him all those years. If she ever had to opportunity to really talk to Navka again, she decided, she'd ask a few questions. But as the fate of the world had it, she never did.  
  
***  
  
By the time a baby girl named Lucy Agosto was born that summer, two things were becoming clear. One was that this was their final season touring. Ben wanted to be at home to be a proper father, and Evan was constantly having to skate through pain even prescription painkillers couldn't completely get rid of. All in all, they were done for. The other was that Tanith would have more trouble getting a job in the States than she would have thought.  
  
The initial discovery of new oil in Canada had started out as an unimportant bit of news, but such a high amount of it had eventually made Canada more important in global politics. Then, around the time Oksana had been using American justice to escape her abusive husband, its darker side had caused trouble, as Canada had finally declared that anyone currently living in their country wanted somewhere else for crimes that carried the death penalty would not be extradited, angering the US government. Other factors, social and political and cultural differences, combined until anti-Canadian sentiment grew strong in America. TV networks that had seemed happy to have Tanith the previous summer suddenly weren't willing to hire her permanently.   
  
When CBC offered her a place on their skating commentary team, she accepted it. She and Evan ended up moving to Toronto, that city of immigrants, and enough people had left America that decade that they had a neighborhood to themselves, where they settled. Evan coached for a bit, then focused on becoming a technical specialist. They started talking about children.  
  
***  
  
By the time the war became imminent, Tanith was sometimes seeing Oksana again; she was working as a coach, and though as yet she had no students in the senior ranks their paths occasionally crossed.  
  
She looked better, healthier and happier than Tanith had seen her before, and their mutual cordiality made Tanith wonder at their hostility when they'd been younger. Had they really been so petty, so scared of each other? They should have been friends, she thought, when they'd been so alike.  
  
Or would that desire for each other, which on Tanith's side, at least, was still not dead, have made it impossible? As it was, she avoided being alone with her.  
  
Until they both went to the Exhibition at the 2018 Olympics, and they were alone with Meryl when her phone rang and on seeing who it was, she excused herself. Oddly enough, Tanith never found out just who she had wanted to talk to in privacy.  
  
"I hear," said Oksana before Tanith thought to leave, "I hear you vant baby."  
  
"Evan and I were trying," Tanith replied, willing herself not to blush, "but we changed out mind a little bit; now we're not so sure we want one after all." It had been the war, of course, which wouldn't be a good time to have a baby, because everyone knew it was coming, but they didn't like to talk about it in polite company. Nor was Tanith quite able to overcome her embarrassment to add that while she and Evan were no longer actively trying, they still were foregoing birth control as a sort of awkward compromise.  
  
"Tanith, I-" she started just as Tanith started to speak again. They both stopped.  
  
"I hope you are happy," she said.  
  
"And I you," Tanith answered.  
  
Then Oksana kissed her, and Tanith let her, because it was very chaste, and she'd probably been through hell so why not?  
  
 _"Ya tyebya lyublyu, Tanith Belbin."_  She whispered.  _"Do svidaniya."  
  
Even after all these years,_ was all Tanith could think as she watched her go. It was the last she saw of her before the war broke out.  
  
***  
  
It started with Australia declaring war on China. Earlier than anyone thought it would, what with all the countries still militarizing themselves in preparation. Ben and his family were vacationing in Paris. Tanith hastily called him and he assured her they were preparing to get home. "There was a bit of a rush, of course, the phones were tied up and the website overloaded, but we were able to book ourselves on the first flight out tomorrow morning."  
  
Evan looked at his paperwork, but he had waited too long to begin the citizenship process, and in the end he shook his head. "Canada and the States will be at war long before I'm anything besides an enemy alien here, and knowing the mood down south right now you're probably not safe there either, even if you renounce. There's nothing for it but to let ourselves be arrested."  
  
Over the next hours they prepared themselves. They took their medals and valuables and locked them in a carefully hidden safe, gathered their passports and all their legal paperwork in one place, deleted many of their computer files, and shredded many of their documents and disposed of the shredded paper and other things. As they worked word came to them of a couple of countries declaring war on Australia; it was coming down like a stack of dominos. Towards evening they finished and sat watching the TV. Canada was not yet at war with anyone. "It's probably only a matter of hours," said Tanith, "days at most." She thought of Ben again, and Merrie, pregnant again, and little Lucy. France wasn't yet at war with anyone either, nor the United States.  
  
As they watched the reporters on TV talk on about the implications, which countries were probably about to declare war on China, and what it meant for Canada, downplaying the likelihood of their getting involved in the war or anything that might make Canada or its likely allies look bad, Tanith started to feel the tension grow unbearable. Somehow she felt they were coming to the end of something, something she didn't want to end.  
  
***  
  
After an hour of watching, Evan suddenly said, "I kissed Jeff Buttle in 2008."  
  
"What?" Several things ran through Tanith's head: hurt, guilt for feeling hurt what with what had happened with her and Oksana, sheepishness for dismissing that rumor, confusion as to why he was confessing this now.  
  
"I always hated that I was keeping that from you, and I want to come clean before we have to deal with what's about to happen. It was at Mao Asada's show in Japan, after I'd forgiven you because of the whole thing with Domnina and Shabalin, or I tried to, but I guess I was still kind of angry. We weren't really good again until after Skate America that year, I think. And he was so nice and pretty and I wanted him pretty badly, I'd...well, I'd kind of been attracted to him already, and there were moments where he seemed to want me-maybe he did; if I could want him while being a relationship, who says he couldn't want me? So on our last day there I went to his room and kissed him. And of course he got pissed off and yelled at me, but you know, he was so damn nice that after I started telling him how I was feeling about you, about him, he forgave me. But he told me if I wanted to cheat on you, I'd have to do it with someone else, because he wasn't cheating on Chris. And then I felt ashamed, so I never went looking for anyone else."  
  
Tanith hadn't even realized how guilty she had felt for deceiving him the way she had until that moment, when she didn't need to anymore. "I made out with Oksana Domnina right before 2009 Worlds." When he looked up at her in shock, she added, "And then she refused me because she was afraid of what Kostamarov would do-that's how I knew he was beating her. And then after the Grand Prix Finale when she realized we were engaged she made a pass at me-even claimed you were probably cheating because we were apart and her opinion of men was that low, but I refused her at that point. She's still in love with me, poor woman."  
  
"I thought you two hated each other back then," said Evan, dazed. Not jealous, Tanith thought, relieved, just very, very surprised. "I mean, I heard the rumors, but they just sounded way too absurd."  
  
"So did the one about you and Jeff," she replied.  
  
"So...does that make us even? I don't know if it does, that's all so confusing. It sounds like you were more serious with her...but I actually wanted to hurt you."  
  
"Fuck even," said Tanith, and she turned off the TV and threw herself on him. He received her eagerly; they tore at each other's clothes and his hands were all over her-she'd always loved his hands and he knew it. She grabbed at his hair and shoved her tongue into his mouth. She felt him harden against her, and felt herself throb with need.   
  
After eight years of marriage they could do it on muscle memory, her legs wrapping around him as he easily slid in, him automatically rocking against her in just the right way to make her moan and sink her nails into his shoulders, then her hands slid down to just the right places on his back and she could tell just by the way his arms tightened around her that he was close, but his hands were already moving, his fingers touching her there, and there, and she gripped him harder, skin and sweat pressed against each other so close there was barely room to move, she couldn't get close enough, even with him too straining against her. Frantic sucking on skin, and grabbing and thrusting and crying until they came together; she felt her entire body clench itself hard around his dick, almost as if she was claiming it as belonging to her, the spasms causing her neck to arch and her toes to curl, as he shuddered around her and half-moaned, half gasped into her hair.  
  
"Crazy girl," Evan panted, "but I love you."  
  
"Same here," she murmured back.  
  
They had to get dressed, she thought. They needed to turn the TV back on; they needed to know when one declaration of war had happened. But it was a long time before either moved to do so.  
  
***  
  
The United States declared war on France shortly after midnight. Tanith called Ben again, who was at the airport with his family. "I don't know what's going to happen now," he said. "I'll call you again if something does, or when we're on the plane. Take care, Tanith."  
  
"And you, Ben," she said, and ended the call. He never called back.   
  
The next day dawned with Canada not yet at war with anyone. "We still don't have much of any army," said Tanith, "especially compared to America. Maybe they're going to try to avoid it somehow."  
  
Towards the end of the day Canada finally declared war on Australia. All that night Tanith and Evan kept another sleepless vigil in front of the TV. Two more countries declared war on Canada, but not the United States. Tanith called Ben again, and got no response. She tried Merrie's phone too, and then their relatives, but none of them had heard anything from either of them since the previous day. "They've probably been arrested," said Evan, "and their phones confiscated." That didn't make her feel much better.  
  
Another long day and night went by. Finally, early in the morning of the third day since the beginning of the war, they watched the Prime Minister announce Canada's declaration of war on the United States. When he began disparaging the country for its evils, some real, some imagined, his words getting more and more vicious, Evan turned off the TV. "I don't think we need to watch anymore. We know all we need to." The two of them sat together, neither speaking, waiting for the police to come.  
  
The mob came instead. Early in the afternoon they came rampaging into the American neighborhood, forcing open doors and breaking open windows. Tanith and Evan ran to lock the doors against them but it was no use. They dragged both of them back into the living room, and forced Evan to watched as men beat and raped Tanith, she lost count of how many, and then forced Tanith to watch as they bludgeoned Evan to death, crushing his skull in. They left her lying in the middle of the wrecked room, next to her husband's corpse, covered by both his blood and her own, convinced she was going to die, and wanting only to do so already.  
  
***  
  
She woke up three days later in the hospital, to Tessa Virtue's anxious face. She tried to speak, but couldn't.  
  
"Shhh," Tessa whispered. "It's okay. You're safe now. You're going to live."  
  
After a minute she added, "You're also technically under arrest, but Scott's trying to get you out of that. You'll probably have to renounce American citizenship."  
  
"How...?" Tanith asked.  
  
"The police found you. Hours after the mob left," She didn't try to hide her disgust that they hadn't come earlier. "They found you and some other survivors, and brought you all here. Scott and I flew down when we heard about the rioting. They let us in no problem-guess being Olympic champion is good for something. You're going to be here at least a week, but I think after that you should come up with us to St. John's. It's possible you'll be forbidden to live within a certain distance of the United States border.  
  
Scott came in an hour later, to confirm that Tanith would have to renounce as soon as she was deemed medically competent to, but she would be released after that. "But it was strongly suggested to me that she move north. Did you tell her what the doctor also said?"  
  
"No," said Tanith, "she didn't."  
  
"Not until he's more sure," said Tessa. "It's too early to have any confidence in anything; he told us that. Their ability to tell this early is very new. And we won't be able to be certain about how long..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Tanith asked. "What's going on?"  
  
"Tessa," said Scott, "tell her."  
  
"It was only just this morning," said Tessa. "He might run another test this evening and change his mind." Scott looked at her impatiently.  
  
"I get the point," said Tanith. "Whatever's going on might be in question if it's going on. But tell me what it might be."  
  
Tessa swallowed, and said, "The doctor thinks you might be pregnant. A little less than a week along, probably. But it might be more, or...it might be less."  
  
***  
  
Tanith renounced her American citizenship two days later, and was legally released from police custody. She thought of that day at the end of 2005 when she'd gotten the call in the car, and eagerly run to get herself sworn in, how excited she'd been, but her nostalgia dissolved in the face of there still being no news of Ben and his family, and her growing dread that something like this might have happened to them.  
  
She ended up staying in the hospital for a little longer than most of the riot victims. By the time she left they were certain of her pregnancy, and the doctor was more confident of the number of days along it was. He told her she'd been injected with hormones equivalent to the morning-after pill in the hospital, and he had indeed projected to it back to that evening she and Evan had shared that last time on the couch. But even so, she left the hospital with a handful of hairs cut from his corpse, determined she would only keep the baby if it truly was his. Only such a strong chance that it was kept her from getting an abortion immediately. Though if it was, she was warned, its dual citizenship might complicate things.

She accepted Tessa and Scott's invitation to stay with them in Newfoundland at least until she had the baby; the counselor she had met with had been adamant that she shouldn't be living alone.  
  
Tessa and Scott had been living in St. John's for about a year, though as they'd still be touring they often hadn't been at home. Despite being up so far up north St. John's actually wasn't that cold, they said, at least by Canadian standards; the geography of the coast spared it the worst of that. They were actually more vulnerable to hurricanes, especially in recent years, thanks to global warming. But the city inhabitants were worried about American invasion, both due to their being on the coast and because they had oil.   
  
***  
  
Days after they left Toronto the US invaded. They soon occupied much of the southern part of the country, and pressed into the Northwest Territories. But despite the Newfoundlanders' worries they made no advances past the southernmost parts of Quebec. "Remember we're not the only country they're fighting," said Scott. "Right now, this part of the country isn't worth the expending of resources."  
  
"But it might be in the future," Tanith noted, and they had to acknowledge she was right.  
  
The hurricanes might be a deterrent as well, at least to any naval attacks. Nothing hit that summer that required evacuation, but several times the three of them taped up the house and spent the night in the cellar. Other times the storms weren't as serious, but they came so often they found their way into Tanith's nightmares, and something when they hit during the day she would huddle in the corner and remain curled up to herself until they passed. She never left the house except to meet with her doctor or her counselor.  
  
As fall approached, she became aware that Tessa and Scott were growing very concerned about her, and having discussions about her when she wasn't around. Finally, earlier in October, they started urging her to come out with them sometimes. "This can't be healthy," said Tessa, "and you need to keep yourself healthy for the baby's sake."  
  
Tanith didn't tell anyone besides her counselor, but she was starting to resent the baby. The medical probability of it being Evan's was stronger and she wasn't as worried about that anymore, and she wanted his baby, especially now that he was dead. But she wished she could somehow have it without it invading her body, taking control of it from her, leaving her helpless. She was just starting to grow out, and she dreaded getting heavier, losing that last piece of control of herself. The counselor told her expectant mothers did feel that way sometimes, and it was a natural reaction considering what she'd been through, so she tried not to feel guilty, but it worried her. She wanted to love her baby.  
  
Slowly she gave in to their pleas, coming with them on outings and even to the local rink. It had been a long time since she'd skated, but with their aid she started to get back into it, though the thought of having to leave the ice again soon weighed on her a little.  
  
***  
  
Late in October the Americans managed to pull off a viral attack on Canada's remaining wiring, and the internet went down. Everyone living north of the occupation line in Quebec was cut off from the rest of the world. It was a magnificent piece of psychological warfare, Tanith thought, especially because she still had no idea of what had become of Ben, if he and his family were even still alive, and now could have none. It also managed to raise the fear of nuclear strike; the one mercy of the war so far had been that nobody had yet employed their nuclear weapons, perhaps out of some remaining sense of needing the preserve the human race. If one person dropped a bomb, everyone feared, everyone else would do the same.  
  
News filtered through in the following weeks that the Americans were moving north again, that they had taken the emergency seat of government in Rimouski, but then that they were not yet venturing any further than that. Not everyone believed it, and the city was tense. Ships still came in to the harbor sometimes, but food supplies grew strained, the government of St. John's started rationing; word was the neighboring areas were doing the same. Tanith, who was eating for two, started to feel the pinch of hunger, all too familiar to her from certain times in her skating career. The winter loomed.  
  
Deprived of their internet, more people started venturing out of their houses. Tanith was introduced to Tessa and Scott's neighbors. Not all of them were pleased to have her there, but some were friendly, and their kindness helped Tanith more than she said. More people came to the rink as well; and Tanith, Tessa, and Scott gave both children and adults ice lessons. Despite living under the same menaces as the rest of Newfoundland, Tanith started to feel like her old self for the first time since the assault. But she still kept a new distance, and disliked when anyone besides Tessa or Scott touched her.  
  
***  
  
One day in November, Tanith and Tessa went skating together very early in the morning. It was the first time since the internet had gone down that they found the rink deserted, and they made the most of it, going round and round, dancing what compulsories they remembered, though it was harder when both of them were used to skating the lady's part, and Tanith was getting heavy enough now that she couldn't really do them very well. Still, they finished a go-round of the Golden Waltz, Tessa actually singing one of the melodies, and flourished with imaginary skirts to a non-existent audience. "Thank you, thank you!" Tessa called out, as Tanith spun her around to take their bows. "Do you think they want an encore?"  
  
"Let's have one," said Tanith, and she pulled Tessa back into an embrace for their opening position. Then she changed her mind and rearranged them, saying, "You skate the man's part this time. You're not that much shorter than me."  
  
"I don't have the mental energy for that right now."  
  
"Well, neither do I. So I guess no encore."  
  
Tessa sighed, Tanith felt the vibrations. She was suddenly very aware of Tessa's arms around her.  
  
"Tanith," said Tessa, slowly, "Scott and I were talking. You know we both care for you very deeply. We want to help you however we can."  
  
"And you've done that," said Tanith. "I can never thank you enough for what you've done for me."  
  
"Yes," said Tessa, and Tanith could feel her trembling. "But when we talked last night, he agreed it would be okay if I wanted to, that is, if you wanted me to.." She drifted off.  
A loud noise caused them to break apart; it was the zamboni coming in. "Has it really been two hours?" Tanith wondered out loud, then glanced at the clock; it had been; it was time for the ice to be resurfaced. The two women skating to the gate. Tanith automatically put on her skate guards before sitting down, feeling her increasing weight.  
  
"Let me love you, Tanith," said Tessa plaintively, standing by her. "Just for a little bit. We can even wait if you don't feel ready yet; I'll leave the offer standing."  
  
"I don't know if I can," said Tanith, struggling not to think of the last time she had been touched, what those men had done to her. "I can't yet, that I do know."  
  
***  
  
Shortly after the new year Tanith had an ultrasound and learned her baby to be was a boy, and the doctor advised her he was going to be a big one. Which raised the likelihood that he was Evan's, and the doctor urged her to wait until he was born to conduct the DNA tests. But Tanith refused. "They way things are in St. John's now it could take me ages to arrange for an adoption, and I'm not keeping one of those men's baby under my roof if I can help it. If I have to do it, I want everything arranged before I give birth."  
  
The test that was to be done was a difficult invasive procedure, only recently developed and considered very risky. Before it was done that February, Tanith listened patiently through warnings from several doctors about things she knew very well already before grimly repeating that yes, she still wanted it done. She kept her grim attitude all during the next three hours, until at last the sample was retrieved with no harm done to the fetus. Then she gave them a strand of her hair and a strand of Evan's, and left them to do the test.  
  
That night, she lay in her bed, feeling the baby kick inside her but trying to disassociate herself from him, because the next day she might have to say goodbye, and running her finger between her legs. On her counselor's advice she'd carefully returned to masturbation and grown comfortable with it, but this felt different; she was feeling new desires. She didn't know how she would react to another person's touch, but she did want it again. Outside snow was beating heavily against the windows, but the sounds no longer frightened her.  
  
If the result came back positive, she decided, she would see about taking Tessa up on her offer immediately.  
  
The next day she had it confirmed that her soon-to-be-born son was Evan's.

***

Tessa wasn't really "in love" with Tanith the way she'd been in her youth, but Tanith thought after that first time that something of it remained: desire, and a certain tenderness. She was very careful at first, kissing Tanith chastely, urging her to undress herself, placing her hands in Tanith's, making her set the pace. But as Tanith showed no sign of fear or discomfort Tessa grew bolder, kissing her way down Tanith's breasts and across her swollen belly. As she moved down further Tanith lay her head back and breathed in deep. This might just be the moment of truth.  
  
When Tessa slid the first finger inside her, there was a single moment of fear. But then Tessa's other hand was caressing her, and she was kissing Tanith's thighs, then moving in-the sensation was too much, and Tanith pulled away. "I'm sorry!" she heard Tessa cry.  
  
"No, it's not that," Tanith reassured her. "Just not so much." She pulled Tessa up to her face and kissed her deeply, encouraging her to slide a second finger in. As Tessa began to move in and out for one crazy moment Tanith thought of Oksana Domnina, and what doing this to her might have been like, since she probably had some emotional baggage there. Then Tessa's fingers moved inside her and pressed perfectly, and Tanith thought of nothing at all except writhing around those fingers, riding Tessa's hand to try to get them in deeper, moaning her encouragement as Tessa thrust her hand in and out and Tanith wanted more and more and more. Tessa was panting now, making little whimpering noises she was trying to suppress, and Tanith managed to reach down and get her own hand between Tessa's legs. She was unbelievably hot inside, her flesh closing tightly around Tanith's fingers as they found a rhythm, pushing in and against each other, their other hands roaming and pinching and squeezing. Tanith came first, still fucking herself on Tessa's hand, and watching her might have brought Tessa to it, for she came moments later, and the feeling of her contracting around Tanith's fingers was amazing.  
  
They lay there a minute or so before Tanith asked, "Tessa, tell me honestly? Are you doing this just for me, because you think it'll make me feel better? Or are you doing it for yourself as well?"  
  
A very long pause, and then Tessa said, sounding apologetic, "I'm doing it for myself, as well as for you."  
  
Tanith tipped their heads towards each other so Tessa could see her smiling. "Good."  
  
***  
  
They did it again, a few more times over the following weeks. Neither yet asked how long it would last.  
  
Tanith lay in her bed alone, staring at the snow falling outside. When she felt the weight of her husband climbing in with her, she sighed and leaned back into his embrace. Even now he felt so warm.  
  
"Can you really be happy like this?" he asked her gently.  
  
"For the moment," she answered. "And at least until this war ends, that has to be enough."  
  
"And what if the war goes on for years and years?" he pointed out. "You still have very little idea of what's going on, especially outside North America. Though word is they're going to try to blockade St. John's harbor." His hand moved down to rest over the baby. "How are you going to feed him if you yourself have nothing to eat and there's no baby formula available? Noone's bringing it in anymore."  
  
"If it comes to that we'll probably surrender," said Tanith. "It frightens me, you know, that the only reason the Americans don't have the entire country is that they don't think it's worth it. And when they've exhausted the oil resources of the Northwest Territories they'll come for us. If we don't use up all the oil ourselves before that, anyway. They're talking about rationing gas now, and people are encouraged to walk or use bicycles. Though maybe they'll leave the Yukon alone. The last proud bastion of Canada."  
  
"Is that a note of patriotism I hear?" he asked, smiling.  
  
"Why not?" she asked. "When you're in on the last free parts of your country, the country of your birth, yeah, it happens. And what else can I belong to now? Even by the time we left I was starting to think the America I was so proud to belong to went and died while I was looking the other way. And yes, it means your son's going to grow up Canadian, but he was going to anyway once we moved to Toronto. If he survives this war, anyway."  
  
"It's all right," he said. He chuckled as the baby kicked against his hand. "You're really going to reverse my name for him?"  
  
"You said you wanted to name a son for Frank, and this is the only one you're going to have," she said. "And I want to name him for you. Though Frank Evan sounds a little weird, so he'll be Francis Evan, Frank for everyday use."  
  
He laughed, and moved to kiss her. But at the touch of his lips she woke up.  
  
She lay in her bed alone again, and there was still snow falling past that window. But now she needed to pee, badly enough that she pulled herself up onto her swollen feet and limped towards the bathroom down the hall.  
  
In the hall she heard faint cries coming from Tessa and Scott's room. She smiled on hearing Tessa make that sound, the one she made when she started to grow close-that girl made the most erotic sounds Tanith had ever heard. At least her interludes with Tessa didn't seem to be affecting their sex life any.  
  
***  
  
Another supply that was dwindling in St. John's was painkillers, and Tanith at first tried to give birth without them. But when the pain triggered flashbacks they gave her an epidural. Even with that her labor was so long and hard that when she first saw her baby in the doctor's arms all she could think was  _Thank God it's over._  
  
Francis Evan Lysacek had his father's size, and also his eyes. The doctors filled out his birth certificate and other paperwork, and when he was five days old Tanith was given his ration card. Which made her laugh, because there was nothing the card could buy in St. John's which he could injest. Though it was actually a good thing, because it got her enough to eat that she could nurse him.  
  
Even with Tessa and Scott helping out he was a lot of work. For the first couple of weeks after she brought him home Tanith found herself again not leaving the house. It brought an end to her liaison with Tessa too, because she didn't have the energy or any sexual desire whatsoever, and also because giving birth had damaged her vagina, and while they had assured her she would eventually be able to enjoy a normal sex life again, for now she had to wait while things mended. She had also been advised to avoid any further pregnancies, which she was all too happy to do.  
  
When she started getting cabin fever she started going out again, to wherever she could take Frank, since nursing him meant she had to keep him constantly with her. But even so she was shut in enough that at first she didn't notice that the mood in St. John's was changing. People were getting tired to sitting around in fear of the Americans and assuming they were helpless to actually do anything about them. People were giving speeches in public places. She attended one when Frank was about five weeks old, listened to a young man argue so passionately that it was wrong for them to wait for others to free their country, but that this was their hour, and their duty, and their honor, and cheered with the others, though afterwards when Frank began to cry she was terrified for him, what might happen to him if they attacked and the American retaliated, or, even more, what might happen if people remembered that his father had been American. She had nightmares of him suffering his father's fate. She didn't know if she could take enduring that experience again.  
  
***  
  
By the time the hurricane season came the storms were nothing compared to the storm brewing in St. John's. Tessa and Scott caught the fever, as did Tanith, and as the government began serious plans for organizing an army to send south, Tessa and Scott talked of joining, and Tanith thought she would have too if it wasn't for Frank. He too was the only thing really holding Tessa and Scott back; they weren't sure how Tanith would fare with him alone. But they started to prepare her to manage the household, arranging for her to have access to their finances, since they had all been unemployed after threats to the water supply had closed the rink, and while they had savings enough to live off of for years Tanith had previously been cut off from them. In September Tessa and Scott volunteered and entered training.  
  
In November almost everyone in the city gathered to see the new army assembled. Holding Frank in her arms, Tanith stood among the crowd and scanned the ranks for her two friends, but there were so many soldiers gathered she couldn't find them. With the others she clapped and cheered as they marched away, very possibly to the death of all of them. Then she was alone.  
  
Newfoundland had now become the home front, and by the new year Tanith found herself with plenty to do. She worked in a factory, gathered scrap metal in her house, taught herself how to knit and with other women and even men spent many an evening preparing clothes and blankets to be sent south. If anyone around her remembered her ties to America, noone ever brought them up. She also donated most of her and Evan's medals to be melted down, keeping only the Olympic medals, the World golds, and Evan's first National gold from 2007.  
  
They had occasional contact with the war front, and some news of the outside world started coming in in bits and pieces. Among the most painful pieces of news was that many of the American cities near the Canadian border, including Detroit, were being air bombed with heavy casualties. Another one that caused Tanith personal agony was the news that practically all of northern France was in ruins, and that there were heavy casualties there too.  
  
***  
  
In January a letter came from Tessa, which gave Tanith news of other skaters for the first time:  
  
 _December 30, 2019  
  
Dear Tanith,  
  
Another day and Scott and I are still alive. I could say a lot more, but "Loose lips sink ships," I think the old phrase from World War II was. But I will, at least, tell you this, because I know you'll want very badly to know it: Joannie Rochette, Chris Mabee, Marie-France Dubreuil and Patrice Lauzon are all alive. Jeff Buttle is dead.  
We've seen Joannie; she too is in the army, as is her husband; he's wounded. I won't give details, but we've seen her and she gave us the news of Marie-France and Patrice. As for Chris, we haven't seen him, but I can talk freely about what I know because everyone down here knows: Jeff was beaten to death by American soldiers two months into the occupation, and it must have done something to Chris. He was amoung a group of four men who raised a revolt, and they drove the Americans out of Barrie, which they now hold as a base.  
Please write back to me and tell me how you and Frank are doing. Is Frank crawling yet? Are you keeping yourself busy? Have any trouble with anyone? We both know how hard it is not to know what's going on with people, so do tell me.  
Scott and I think about you and Frank a lot. Sometimes, too, I think about you and what happened between us a year ago now(has it really been that long?), and while I never regretted it, I'm even happier now that we did it, because if both Scott and I die here, we'll have had that in our lives, and you'll remember that. Keep your strength up and your hopes alive, Tanith.  
  
Yours truly,  
Tessa_  
  
***  
  
Months stretched out like a road that would never end. Frank started walking and talking. Encouraging yet frustrating news came from the south: the US army was losing ground, inch by inch, mile by mile, but the going was slow, and as 2020 gave way to 2021 pitifully little had changed. News of more people living and dead came to Tanith: Laurent Senft alive. Siobham Karam dead. Andrew Pojé alive. David Wilson dead. Cynthia Phaneuf and her husband alive, both also in the army. Two weeks after Scott wrote that he had seen her he had to write again to say she had been killed.  
  
Then as Frank's second birthday approached, a new dark rumor spread through Newfoundland that someone had at last dropped the bomb. Tanith found it too terrifying to believe until the mayor of St. John's officially confirmed it in a special conference: someone had dropped a nuclear bomb on Rome, which had already suffered attacks by three different countries, though this was the first anyone in their area of the world had heard of it. The mayor didn't say-possibly didn't know, Tanith thought-which three countries had attacked, or which of them had dropped the bomb.  
  
He also pointed out, after yelling to quiet the initial panic, that the bombing had happened a month ago, and noone had yet retaliated with another nuclear attack. There was hope, he said, that it could be an isolated incident.  
  
Over a year later, the inhabitants of North America would learn that it had in fact been done by rogues belonging to no country, attempting to spark a series of nuclear strikes, but there had been no response because there had been noone to make a response to, and while there were calls by Italy's allies to punish all three countries, again the saner instinct had held on. When the crazy story of how they had gotten their hands on the nuclear bomb got out, there were calls to punish Russia for accidentally letting them have it, but nothing came even of that.  
  
As it was, there was nothing anyone in St. John's could do now but wait.  
  
***  
  
Tanith would later think of those days after they knew the bomb had fallen as the darkest point of the war, before the tide began to turn. Perhaps fueled on by the news, perhaps aided by whatever changes the event wrought on the American army, the army down south in Quebec began at last to make serious advances. Early that May a girl came running into the factory one afternoon yelling that they had taken back Quebec City, and she had never before been in such a hysterically overjoyed crowd. A central government was shortly afterwards thrown together for the first time since Rimouski had fallen; Canada existed as a nation once again, one that could send representatives to foreign countries offering and asking for help. Sea commerce started to increase again; rationing remained in effect, but the threat of siege was now a distant memory.  
  
On November 20, 2021 the branches of the army that had fought in Quebec and Ontario met in Montreal, and the Americans were driven out of Eastern Canada completely. In the west, too, they were on the retreat. In years afterwards the day was declared a holiday.  
  
Tanith watched video of it, of the two generals leading the army, and she paid special attention to the other commanding officers behind the one from Ontario. It took her some time to identify Chris Mabee among them; he'd grown so grim-faced.  
  
After that troops starting coming home. Tessa and Scott wrote to say they were being sent west for the time being, but suspected they would be home by Frank's third birthday.  
  
Two days before he turned three, Tanith sat waiting with him at the window. She'd sent them photos, but she wondered what they'd think when they saw him.   
  
When she first heard, then saw their approach, like a soldier's wife welcoming home her husband, she ran out the door with Frank tottering after her. The two of them embraced her together as they all stood on the walk, Frank looking up at the two new strangers in awe.  
  
***  
  
The war was winding down, though it took a few more months to end. In April the internet was restored, though it now had much less content. Emails started coming in from friends around the world. Among the first to write was Meryl, who told the tale of her and Jana's incredible escape to Japan, where they were now living, Meryl working as a translator, Jana trying to train some ice dancers for the country. They exchanged anxious emails over Charlie and Ben, but then the list of dead from Detroit started coming out, and it didn't take long to find Charlie and his wife and child among them.  
  
Charlie was the subject of Tanith, Tessa, and Scott's first wake. On the day they learned he was dead, they went searching for footage of him on Asian video websites, and other video websites that had strategically set up their servers on obscure island nations in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for legal advantages, though even some of those islands had been hit during the war, and showed Frank their old friend. Then they lit a candle and sat around it and shared their memories of him. Tanith wasn't sure if Frank would remember that evening, but she was sure he would learn about all their friends in time, however much he remembered now. The next day they lit two candles for Igor and Marina, and the day after that they held a wake for Evan.  
  
After that they began lighting multiple candles each night; already the list of dead friends was very long, and more names came to them with each week. Mostly from North America, and some from Asia; the war was still going on very strongly in Europe. It was over in France, and Tanith had tried to find out what had happened to Ben, but Paris had been so pulverized all records had been lost. She exchanged some messages with Fabian Bourzat, who was living in Nice and had survived, and from him learned that Ben and his family had probably been arrested about an hour after the declaration of war, that they had been denied contact with anyone for nearly six months, and then only been allowed to contact people within the country, that Ben had written to the French skaters, and several of them had acted on his behalf. But then Nice had been attacked and they'd been cut off from the north, and Fabian wasn't able to tell her if he'd ever been released or not. Every other skater Ben had written to was dead; it was so many deaths Tanith needed the wakes for them all to comprehend it. She checked on Ben and Merrie's relatives as well, but they were all dead except for a few who couldn't be found at all.  
  
***  
  
By August all fighting in North America had stopped, and the only question pertaining to the continent was what was to be done with the United States. Canada and several European powers now controlled the various parts of it, and it seemed likely the country was to be split up somehow; the possibilities ranged from splitting it in half to splitting it into fifty new countries, or possibly just 49, as Canada was likely to absorb at least part of Michigan. Many now lamented the danger of great big nation states, and called on Russia and Canada to voluntarily downsize.   
  
"I don't know about Russia, but they could get quite a few listeners in Quebec," Tanith wrote to Meryl. "Right now patriotism is running high enough that noone there talks of seceding anymore, but I think they'll forget eventually. I don't know if they'll ever leave, though, since they've talked about leaving for decades and never done it. And then what would become of Newfoundland?"  
  
"Honestly," Meryl wrote back, "I wouldn't be surprised if Newfoundland left too, if it came to that. They've tasted self-rule; they know they don't need anyone in Ottawa to tell them what to do, and I wouldn't count out the effects of that. But I don't think any countries are going to split up too much anyway, because according to Jana, Russia never would, and noone wants Russia to be the only big country in the world. Though it would be interesting to see how the ISU handled it, if there were 50 more countries probably all sending at least one skater in each singles discipline to Worlds with a good amount of pairs and even more ice dancers accompanying them. At least Four Continents would become a lot more competitive."  
  
In September the fighting in Europe finally started dying down, and it became safe to travel there. But before Tanith could plan a trip to France, she got an email from Johnny, who along with Stephane and Tatiana had moved to Lausanne shortly before the war had begun; Switzerland had officially remained neutral but Tanith got the impression it hadn't been easy going for them. "Please come visit me as soon as possible," he wrote. "I have two very important things to tell you, neither of which I can bring myself to communicate in any way other than face to face. Bring your son, too; there are people for you both to meet with."  
  
***  
  
Two weeks after getting his email, Tanith and Frank were in Lausanne and knocking on Johnny and Stephane's door. It was answered by a seven year old girl with olive skin and dark hair who looked so familiar Tanith stared at her trying to figure out why. Before either spoke Frank said, "Hello."  
  
"Hello," said the girl back. She pronounced it carefully; she wasn't used to English.  
  
Then another female voice called,  _"Qui est-il, Lucy?"_ Tatiana, now a beautiful young woman, came in. "Oh, Tanith. And is this Frank? Come in."  
  
Tanith heard only the name  _Lucy_ ; she looked at the girl again and now there was no mistaking her. Feeling faint, she stepped inside, absently pulling Frank in with her.  
  
"How was your journey?" Tatiana asked her. Tanith couldn't respond.  
  
"Tanith?" Johnny appeared. Riding on his back, playing with what was left with his hair, was a little boy about Frank's age. A little older than Frank, Tanith specified to herself, because he was undoubtedly Lucy's younger brother. She wondered now why she hadn't seen it immediately; they were Ben's in their skin and hair and eyes and even the way they smiled.  
  
"What happened to Ben?" she demanded.  
  
***  
  
"...and he explained to Brian that he felt very sorry for the family and for Merrie having by now given birth while a prisoner, but he didn't dare let any American citizens wander freely in France, and it wasn't possible to send them back home. So Brian had a flash of inspiration and wrote to Stephane; they were very good friends after their retirement. Stephane wrote to people who wrote to other people who wrote to still other people and so on, and since he's famous enough here he had to go and meet with people in the top of the government, and in the end, it worked. Ben and Merrie and Lucy and Bruce were granted asylum here September 2020, and settled here in Lausanne to wait out the war."  
  
"They were pretty restless, didn't like being stuck here unable to do anything, and remember, we had no idea how any of you were doing. With Canada having been invaded he was as worried sick for you as you were for him, he had no idea whether you were alive or dead, and it weighed on him, too, that he knew you had to be worrying. About a month after they got here the German army abandoned Rome, having ransacked and polluted it. They needed all the aid they could get, and they couldn't get much! The Red Cross advertised all through Switzerland, begging for help. Ben and Merrie decided to go."  
  
"Oh God," said Tanith. "They were in Rome, weren't they? They were in Rome when..."  
  
"They found a body after the bombing that they were eventually able to identify as Merrie. There was...another body next to hers. Damaged beyond identification, though they were pretty sure it was an adult male. I'm sorry, Tanith."  
  
Lucy was crying. The two children were sitting with them-why not? This was their parents, and you couldn't really lie to children when their parents were dead, or at least Johnny never would. Little Bruce sat maybe not even paying attention. He was so young.  
  
"Tanith," said Johnny, "there's more; I said there was two things. Ben and Merrie knew, when they left, that they were risking their lives. They left Lucy and Bruce in our care, but they also made out a new will for who would take custody of them if the worst happened. Since they had no idea who was alive and who was dead, they named various members of both their families, who I'm pretty sure are all dead, and after them, yourself and Evan. You have to take care of these two children, Tanith. They have noone else left."  
  
"I see," said Tanith, too overwhelmed. She stood up and, and felt the room start spinning. "I'm sorry, Johnny, I, uh, think, I need, uh, some air."  
  
"Ummm, okay," said Johnny, watching her with concern as she fled the room, then the house.  
  
Then she kept on walking. Blinded by tears, she stumbled down the street until she nearly collided with a bench placed near the corner. Her knees fell onto its surface, and then suddenly she was pummeling her fists into the wood, she was punching and flailing and screaming before she crumpled, sobbing, to the bench seat.  
  
Her sobs ceased only when she no longer had the energy for them, and still she cried, watching the tears trail down the bench from where she lay limp. She was aware of the sun low on her face, the afternoon growing old.  
  
Her arm was slung towards the bench's head, and it took a minute for her to realize there was a warm hand pressed on top of her own. But then she raised her head and somehow was not surprised to look up into the face of Oksana Domnina. "Ben?" the other woman asked softly.  
  
Tanith nodded. "Max?" she asked, guessing. Oksana too nodded.  
  
Oksana sat down and pulled Tanith into her arms, and the two women held each other until Johnny, having grown worried, came looking for Tanith.  
  
And that was their first true embrace.  
  
***  
  
Like Tanith, Oksana had been brought to Lausanne by the fate of her partner; he had been living in Rome since before the war, having long since married a local woman there, but his body had never been found and identified, and there had been rumor that he had been spotted here in Lausanne. That had been a case of false identity, but the Russian federation had urged Oksana to stay and represent their interests to the ISU as they put the new rules and regulations together to deal with whatever skating scene formed itself over the next year or so. When she returned to Russia, it would be a prestigious coaching job in Moscow; the war had been far kinder to her than to most of Russia, or most of Russia's skating community. Tanith thought that was as it should be, though; Oksana had paid her dues in life before the war.  
  
This all came out during dinner, which Johnny of course invited Oksana to, and she accepted.  It was a lively dinner with the eight of them, even though Lucy's and Bruce's English was ironically weak, Oksana didn't know any French, and Tanith's Russian had never been good, though nor was Lucy's or Bruce's, and of course Frank spoke no Russian and hadn't picked up much French either. All three languages flew around the table, Johnny, Stephane, and Tatiana patiently translating as needed. Despite barely speaking each other's languages Frank and Bruce seemed to get along very well, yelling at each other and laughing. That was encouraging; if they liked each other, hopefully Frank and Lucy would like each other as well.  
  
After dinner there was some discussion about sleeping arrangements for the children, but Tanith's hotel room couldn't hold herself and three children. "Maybe Frank could sleep over once or twice, if the kids want to spend more time together," she suggested.   
  
Johnny shrugged. "Maybe."  
  
For now, Frank had to go with Tanith back to the hotel, which Oksana was also staying at, so the three of them headed back together. After the cheerfulness of dinner they continued to talk and laugh all the way on the bus; the only difficulty was the beauty of Oksana when she laughed, the tempting way she looked at Tanith, and that even after everything that happened, Tanith's desire for her was as strong as ever, only now it could easily be combined with deeper feelings, and there was no longer any reason Tanith could think of that it shouldn't be.  
  
But then they stood in the lobby, waiting for the elevator, and they pressed shoulder to shoulder, and they looked at each other and leaned in, and Tanith thought she could close her eyes. And then Oksana laughed softly, and Tanith pulled away, and the moment was passed.  
  
"I like her," said Frank when Oksana had gotten off at her floor, and Tanith only wondered why they hadn't kissed.  
  
Did Oksana no longer love her? That wouldn't explain it entirely; she had pulled back too. Maybe just too much had happened, maybe there was too much history, maybe they'd been through too much, and it just couldn't happen now. Or maybe it was just the timing; maybe with having just lost their partners they weren't able to take that step at the moment.  
  
***  
  
The ISU conferences, Tanith learned, were going on for some time, enough that she wondered if they would ever get around to have a competition this year, though Oksana said there would probably just be a Worlds, in Salt Lake City. "The only recent Olympic venue surviving because noone fighting care about it, so they probably hold next Winter Olympics there, so we need test event." Tanith was kind of fuzzy on just when this next Winter Olympics would take place, or if that had even been decided, but she supposed the next Worlds at Salt Lake made sense, since it was all there and undamaged and would have to prepare to host a lot of test events for different sports if they agreed to host another Olympics. Though how many skaters who would be in shape to show up was anyone's guess.  
  
Tanith herself was negotiating a new contract with CBC, but she thought she should stay in Lausanne with her two new charges and get to know them better while she obtained legal custody of them and got them entrance into Canada. Already she liked them both a lot, and them her, especially Lucy.  
  
Of the three children, it already seemed unlikely that either Frank or Bruce would spend their lives as their parents had. Of course they were both very young, but Bruce was indifferent to the ice, and while Frank loved skating around, he was already showing a lot of speed and aggressiveness and liking for fighting, and Tanith suspected that if he kept at it, he would be doing sticks and pucks rather than spins and quads. "His father's son," laughed Stephane one day when he and Johnny and Oksana took the boys to the rink and Tanith made these observations.  
  
"Nah, I think if he plays hockey, that might just be the Canadian blood in him," Johnny replied.  
  
But Lucy was an ice dancer. She loved watching old videos of her father and Tanith, and she'd wanted to be like them, and each morning she diligently went to the rink and practiced her dance steps solo, and she was very happy when Tanith told her they were very likely to be able to find her a partner in Canada. Of course raising an ice dancer, Tanith knew, might require a lot of work and money and also some moving around, but that might be a good thing to get her out of Tessa and Scott's house. Good as it had been to live with them during the war, she probably shouldn't for much longer.   
  
The girl did need better coaching, but that too could be taken care of in Canada, and for now, Oksana was happy to give her tips. Indeed, Tanith found it encouraging how Oksana was happy to spend so much time with them. Especially as time wore on, they grew closer, Tanith basked in the certainty of their friendship before aching for more, knowing now that she at least felt that, that when Oksana smiled at her her heart skipped a beat, and that she hoped, more than anything, that Oksana's feelings remained as they had before the war.  
  
And that was how she first knew she was in love with her former rival.  
  
***  
  
Lucy and Bruce's paperwork was at last in order and their flight left the next day. Oksana, too, would soon be flying back to Moscow. Though excited to see their new home, they were very sad at leaving the family they'd lived with for two years. Frank tried to comfort them a little, and then Lucy decided they should have that sleepover.  
  
Once again everyone had dinner together, and now Lucy and Bruce spoke better English, so it went easier. Then Frank started to cry at the thought of being separated from his mother for an entire night and Tanith nearly called it off, but Bruce and Lucy told him not to cry and that it would be fun, and finally he said he wanted to stay. There was another round of everyone exchanging hugs and then Tanith and Oksana headed out to the bus stop together. As they walked together through the chilly but beautifully clear night, Tanith felt the weight of their impending separation, probably not to see each other again until at least that Worlds was held, though she was pretty sure they would both be there.  
  
"We haven't been at a Worlds together since our last competition," said Tanith, "have we?"  
  
"No," said Oksana. "Ve vere not happy there much, I think. Vell, maybe you vere happy, you vere getting married."  
  
"That's true," said Tanith, "but remember I'd already been engaged for months. It feels like another lifetime now. My God, we were such bitches back then, weren't we? I know I was."  
  
"I, too. But ve vere competitors. Ve vere champions. I can not regret that. Good girls don't vin Olympic gold, Morgan said. Though Tessa Virtue was close, maybe, but she vas not good, not truly good."  
  
"Oh, Morgan," sighed Tanith. "God rest her soul. She's dead, you know. I went looking for information on her and Leif and I expected he'd be the one dead, but no, he lives, and she was killed during one of the last battles of the war."  
  
"A bad loss," said Oksana, and she looked very moved indeed. "I remember her very vell."  
  
On the bus, Oksana commented, "Yet she vas better, she and Jana both. They were not good, but they vere better than us. I am not proud, you know, of vhat I did to Jana. But she is happy now, yes?"  
  
"Very happy," said Tanith. "Meryl's written about how much she loves what she's doing. We'll be seeing her in years to come with Japanese ice dancers skating away in her wake."  
  
When they got off the bus, they stood facing the hotel, and Tanith felt Oksana take her hand. She looked more beautiful than ever in the lamplight. "I said too," she said, "that one day, I vould have you. Do you remember?"  
  
Tanith had never forgotten. Now she smiled her most promising smile, and said, "Your victory at last," and closed the distance between them.  
  
They kissed in the sweet Swiss night, Tanith threading her fingers through Oksana's long hair and opening her mouth to Oksana's probing tongue. There was no urgency, no desperation, no reserve, no pain, just sweetness and warmth, and the feeling of coming home.  
  
They held hands all the way to the elevator. This time, when Oksana got off, Tanith did with her. They locked the door to Oksana's hotel room behind them and Oksana bore Tanith down onto the bed, clothes falling away, hands and bodies that had waited many years finally moving and feeling and entwining together, into passion and pleasure that was sweetest for all the time it had taken to grow.  
  
And that was the first time they made love.


End file.
